obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
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