did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
