I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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