rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
