I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
