i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
