i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
