he shaved USA in his pubs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Less talking, more tequila
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize