If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
