she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize