There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
