i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
