I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
why do cheetos always look like penises
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sext me about skeletons
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
