Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
