Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
