Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
