I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
