Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
