We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
