Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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