god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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