Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Found the puke drawer
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
