6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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