dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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