Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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