There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i believe in u and ur pee
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
