I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
