people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
