White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
