I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So vagazzling was a success
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
