i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
