I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
