I wanna bring you to show and tell
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
