you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
