so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
