Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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