Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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