# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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