Who wears a wallet chain?!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
