Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
