he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
