My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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