Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
