I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
