Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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