dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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