I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
