is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
