So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
