How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do herpes really smell.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
