I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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