if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
