The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
