Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
