Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
