Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
