Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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