would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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