i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
