In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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