dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
