i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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