How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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