I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
