Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
