Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
