I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
