after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
