Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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