if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
