WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
