I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
