so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
