Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
