Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
