I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
