Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can you bring me the toilet please
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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